12 Days of Spring Weekend would never be complete without a round up of the various bro tanks you’ll be seeing on the Green this weekend (and in the gym six months from now). Although the window between spring break and Spring Weekend was small this year, and few of these shirts are still available for purchase, we wanted to summarize them anyway. Here are the good, the bad, the ugly, and the confusing pieces of SW apparel coming to torsos near you.
The artist relevant:
100 points to Gryffindor for the Petty Wap tank (which is has just been bumped 1000% in relevancy given everyone’s behavior during #SWticketingdebacle2k16). Otherwise, this campaign joins an illustrious tradition of Brunonians begging for Beyonce to grace us with her presence on Main Green. Maybe we’ll finally book her when she’s a senior citizen, at which point she will be releasing her fiftieth album, Blue Ivy will be in her fourth term as President of the United States, and Bey will still be the best dancer in the greater Providence area.
Many have argued that music is inherently political. We think those people would approve of GlobeMed’s tank campaign to “Make America Lit Again.” Fetty is a late runner to the Presidential election, but his cabinet is a strong mix of funk, R&B, and alternative, so we’re here for it. All proceeds go to their partner organization, U-Tena. “U-Tena is a grassroots organization in Nairobi, Kenya that works to educate local girls about sexual health and financial literacy through performing arts.” Keep a lookout on the FB event for purchasing info this week.
Fetty continues to dominate as we move to a different kind of Spring Weekend swag: the ever-purposeful fanny pack. In three vibrant, neon colors so you won’t lost sight of the pouch that is already attached to your own body, all proceeds from this $15 purchase will be donated to Camp Kesem. “Camp Kesem is a free, weeklong summer camp that supports children with a parent affected by cancer.” Distribution will take place in the Blue Room April 14 and 15th, and JWW on April 16th – get it here.
The ones that are actually trying:
Benjamin Shanahan ’17 designed this year’s black tanks for Artbeat, and he is not messing around. ‘Nuff said.
Not only is this shirt impeccably designed with accents of West African Ankara fabric, but you can still buy this shirt until 4/11 at 11:59 pm! While $30 is on the expensive side, this company is run by four hardworking Brown students, the materials are very high quality, and all of CLNK‘s stuff is sewn by hand. Access the store here.
The unrelated but still relevant:
Shakespeare on the Green, following the success of last year’s “To Bae Or Not to Bae,” asks us to lend them our beers. Well, alcohol isn’t cheap. SOTG won’t be getting any freebie booze, but they do have our laughter and appreciation.
53 of these tanks have been sold on teespring. The sea of red, white and green will surely remind us to eat our vegetables, and support intersectional feminism.
The grand joke:
Honestly, there are some times on those port-a-poddy lines that we have wished for this. And yet, some wishes are better left unfulfilled. Event Description reads:
It’s almost that famous weekend where we love and laugh the most: Spring Weekend. That means there’s not much time to spend your disposable income on essential commemorative clothing! So this year, be stylish and secure with a Brown Spring Weekend 2016 adult diaper! For just $15 each, these diaps help you keep your place in line, comfortably. If enough people order these I’ll use the left over money to pay the mortgage on my house boat so invite your friends!
Choose between sizes S, M, L, and XL, and pack sizes of 5, 10, or 300 diapers.
And the only comment:
The accidental copyright infringement:
Some ambitious Brown seniors were trying to vend a tank top with this image on it, when they got shut down by THE MAN! Typical Fox News debauchery . . . Actually, this campaign was thwarted by teespring, as explained in the screenshot below, but we prefer to blame our friends on the (Papa Bear) O’Reilly Factor.
P.S. What are the chances that Jesse Watters is going to crash SW ’16?
P.P.S. What are the chances that Rupert Murdoch also owns teespring, and this really is Fox News’ fault?!
The most savage:
Hot off the non-existent printer press this morning. Students get creative when they’re
participating in a virtual angry mob waiting patiently for Spring Weekend tickets at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah, that’s right. We crowned ourselves. These shirts are fire and we’re not apologizing for it. American Apparel Pocket Tee with front and back designs? Only $20 and no shipping/processing fees?? There are three mediums left. If you want one, come to The Blognonian’s booth at SPEC Carnival, where we will be hosting a mud wrestling Battle Royale. Just kidding, fill out this google form: http://bit.ly/226kEvG. Special shout-out to Karl the ShirtSmith for his help and guidance.