Hidden housing options at Brown


The housing lottery was on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of last week, and it was a weird experience for everyone. Total randomness is the only way to make the system fair and equal, so I was in love with the idea of a lottery for assigning the on-campus living spaces. Until my group got a bad number. Now I literally can’t get over what a massive injustice all of this is. But that’s okay. I’m a fighter and a survivor—and I know that many other people who didn’t do very well in the lottery are too—so I’ve compiled a list of other hidden housing options you might consider opting for instead of whatever place you actually got stuck with.


The Peanut Butter Cupboard in the V-Dub

Pro: It’s got a great location and the only living expense is restocking the peanut butter.

Pro: You can easily beat your roommates at beer pong because they’re peanut butter.

Con: You’d better not have a peanut allergy because all your roommates will be peanut butter.


The Faunce Arch


Pro: If you grow a beard and call yourself “The Faunce Troll”, you can make passersby give you money and answer riddles.

Con: There’ll be tons of foot traffic through the center of your bedroom, so don’t expect to get much homework done.



Pro: No one will question why you spend all of your time there.

Con: You’ll be surrounded by stressed people at all times.


Christina Paxson’s House


Pro: It’s well-furnished and beautifully decorated.

Con: You can’t let her know you live there.

Pro: She has two really cute dogs.

Con: The dogs will rat you out in a second if they find you.

Pro: I bet she has HBO Go.


Top Floor of the Sci-Li

Pro: You can do the Sci-Li challenge every night.

Con: Liver damage.


Zara, the Providence Place Mall


Pro: If you stand still, everyone will think you’re a mannequin.

Con: Random people will try on your clothes.

Pro: If you just wear ugly clothing, no one will actually buy it off you.

Con: Except maybe dads.


Behind the Windows in the Biomed Center

Pro: No one can see you in there.

Con: Changing clothes will still be SUPER uncomfortable.


The Sidewalk next to Perkins


Con: No running water

Con: No electricity

Con: No shelter from the elements

Pro: Approximately 20 feet closer to campus than Perkins


Images via Emily Scherer.

Be Sociable, Share!