Insomnia Cookies Opens on Thayer

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Everyone stay calm. Just stay f***ing calm. We all knew it was going to happen eventually. But few predicted it would happen so soon. That’s right. Insomnia Cookies on Thayer is officially open. What did I just say? Didn’t I tell you to stay calm? Did I stutter?

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This viral cookie chain has been popping up around college campuses across the nation, featuring fresh cookies, milk, and ice cream delivered anywhere within 3 miles until 2:00 a.m. And as we all know, Providence is apparently now the new hip, happening place (we’re looking at you, By Chloe), so it’s about time we got our own, too. The way you respond to late-night hunger pangs is about to change forever. The fact of the matter is that this is a game-changer, both for your taste buds and also for your wallet. Prepare to have no money and a lot of cookies (Editor’s note: please enjoy cookies responsibly, but also with milk and ice cream).

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Late-night problems that can’t be fixed by warm cookies, but damn will they make you feel better:

  1. You’re too drunk.
  2. You’re too high.
  3. The party was terrible, and you need to fill the void in your soul.
  4. Your significant other left you for the insomnia cookie delivery-person.
  5. You and your significant other both left each other for the insomnia cookie delivery-person and found out you both got played by this delivery-person.

Late-night problems that can be fixed by warm cookies:

  1. You’re overdosing on milk.
  2. You have too much money in your wallet, and not enough warm cookies.
  3. You have no money, but you also really want warm cookies.

The store has opened at 307 Thayer Street, just past CVS and Supercuts. Call 877.63.COOKIE or visit their website for delivery or more information.

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