Not Your Buds: Ratty Water


The Ratty makes me thirsty. Not just in a *wink wink* hey there kind of way, but in a pass that H2O ova here sense. If you’ve taken intro biology (which I haven’t…), you know that our bodies are up to 60% water.  It’s no wonder that we crave it. My motto: hydrate or die.

For the most part, avoiding death in this way is fairly doable. From the Blue Room to Andrews, there are plenty of purified spigots from which to get your fix. Yet the ultimate question remains: If water is so critical for literally everything (our health! energy! brainpower!), why does the Ratty, Brown’s largest campus eatery, only have two unnecessarily fancy, slow-drip water machines? This isn’t drip coffee! We want a waterfall. As Hillary Duff once said, “Let the rain fall down [and hydrate me].”

All Ratty-goers have either seen it happen or been that person, standing in line trying to grab a quick glass of water when suddenly a 32 oz. Nalgene steps onto the scene. People sigh. They roll their eyes. They literally leave in order to escape this plastic beast because they know that the water station just became the omelet bar.

During peak meal hours, one must calculate if the water station is “worth it.” If it’s not, they’ll turn to other options: milk, soda, coffee, juice, which frankly don’t have the same magical qualities as pure ol’ water. However, there are some students out there who refuse to abandon the cause. They want water, but as one student notes, some are “not about that Providence tap water.” (I, for one, am a fan). One student, who wishes to remain anonymous, is known to fill her two bottles of water on the daily, which, she calculated, will take up a total 40 hours over the course of 4 years at Brown. Food for thought.

“Wait,” you cry, “but there’s fruit water!! Four types!” Silence. Some people just don’t crave fruit residue in their water…or they just always forget that the spa water even exists. Either way, it shouldn’t take a tactical plan to load up on water in the Ratty. That kind of brainpower is reserved for studying STEM or texting your crush.

Anyways, here’s hoping that the Ratty’s next facelift will include some serious water station Botox.


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