The Blognonian and CCB Present: Senior Superlatives 2017

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Most Likely to Fall Asleep on the Main Green: Sovijja Pou

Sovijja “Napvijja” Pou averages 3 naps a day. Although his favorite nap spot is on the Queer Green, he’ll take whatever honor he can get. When he’s not swimming at Rio, working on APMA problem sets, complaining about walking, or borking at his friends, you can catch him planning his next nap. He’s usually spotted snoozing on a couch in Sidney Frank (“Sovijja Frank”), on a beanbag in the CCMB, or in the SciLi Mezz.

If you wanna get to know Sovijja better, his ideal hangout session consists of someone watching him nap. Just ask his nap guardian, Alice Chu. Naps take precedence over anything else in Sovijja’s life, so much so that he actually slept through AlunaGeorge and Erykah Badu on Spring Weekend 2017. One of his last senior bucket list items is to get through a whole day without napping.

 

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Senior Not To Mess With: Mae Verano

On a nice Friday night, Mae can be found judging people from the comfort of their Yung Heux porch. The biggest tsismosa, Mae loves keeping tabs on people and being *quiet* about it. They firmly believe 2017 in the year everyone will retake their DMV driving test and learn how to stay in their lane. But for some reason (let’s be real – we all know the reason, its because Mae is a chubby WOC and people love exploiting that historic WOC emotional labor™) it seems folks have assumed Mae loves to play the role of everyone’s mother.???/??

Despite their passion for taking ~mental notes~ and their willingness to air out all their dirty laundry at a national poetry slam, they also love to forgive and forget. Especially FORGET. They’ve moved on to living their best life and wearing their best eyeliner. It’s like Mae always says, “You can be loved, you can be hated, or you can be irrelevant.” (:

 

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Best couple: Emily Wooldridge and Burak Karaca

 

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We were worried the senior superlative was going to be “Most Likely to Get Married” this year … because we got married last December on campus. We met freshman year at the Gate, which doesn’t exist anymore for all you young folks.

 

Best Couple That Never Happened: Zach Zuchowski and Molly Sandstrom

They live together, cook together, lift together, and maybe you’ve even seen them canoodling at a party! Seems like they like to keep people guessing. 😉

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Most likely to work on Capitol Hill: Sam Rubinstein

 

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My name is Sam Rubinstein, I am originally from West Caldwell, NJ and I’m concentrating in Economics and Public Policy. I have been an intern on Capitol Hill before, for Senator Cory Booker, and at a D.C. think tank, the Center for American Progress. After graduation, I will be a fellow at the American Constitution Society, which is also in D.C.
Best Team: Women’s Rugby
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Brown Women’s Rugby faced many challenges during the 2016-2017 seasons, but has continued to be a top-tier Ivy League competitor! We placed 3rd in the Fall for Ivy 15’s Championships, and repeated the standing in the Spring for Ivy 7’s Championships. Despite this year being a re-building year, the Brown ruggers persevered and remained strong and bold throughout their seasons! The Bears graduate 4 starting seniors this year, thus looking forward to the continued growth and new leadership for the upcoming Fall season!
Most Likely to Create the Next Facebook: Julia Wu
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Julia Wu, pictured above with Facebook’s COO Sheryl Sandberg, was born into a family of entrepreneurs. She gave product presentations at her relatives’ business conventions since middle school, sold handbags during high school vacations and translated for Brazilian and Chinese companies when she wasn’t chairing a Model UN conference. You’ll find her at the beach less often than your typical Brazilian, but when she goes, she’ll probably take a book related to startups – just like she did when she went to Vegas for spring break. She also shares a name with a programming language and has a photo of Jack Ma on the wall against her desk. When her friends want to find her, they know with confidence that she’s most likely roaming around the CIT.

Julia wants to thank Stack Overflow, GitHub and CS puns for adding (syntactic) sugar into her life. Maybe she’ll celebrate graduation by going to the Foo Bar.

Social Media Royalty: Maria Giacosie
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I’d like to thank all my fans for this wonderful recognition of my social media aesthetic. If my concentration were the ‘gram, I’d be graduating Summa Cum Laude. Hopefully, this superlative will look good on my resume.
Love your queen,
@getcozie
Most Changed: Ryan Segur
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Ryan feels honored to have been selected for the category known as “Most Changed”, formerly “Most Trans(formed)”, otherwise known as “Whomst’ve Come Out as Trans at Brown in a Hypervisible Manner.” Even though they asked to be nominated initially, they now feel conflicted over winning this superlative, especially since the politics of trans visibility are complicated in regards to who is recognized (or who feels comfortable being recognized) as “changed.” Ryan would like to affirm all of the trans and non-gender conforming persons in the Class of 2017, especially trans and queer people of color, who perhaps did or did not want to be nominated, but who still deserve recognition for the uniquely beautiful process that is proclaiming their true gender diverse selves. Ryan would not have made it this far without the support of the trans community at Brown, and they feel indebted to those who have paved the way for trans people to be (relatively) safe on Brown’s campus.
Ryan has lots of thoughts on their time at Brown and what it means to be a trans person within passively cissexist and transphobic institutions.  As a Neuroscience concentrator, they have spent much of their coursework dis-identifying from and critiquing the way the health sciences still insist gender and sex are binaries – an unsupported theory that leads to the erasure and oppression of trans and intersex persons.  What puzzles them even more than the gender binary though, is how the cisgender people who are a part of the perhaps 50% of the campus body who can afford to pay full tuition still manage to find clothes that look objectively bad on their bodies.  However, as an aspiring femme, Ryan also understands how crafting your best-styled self is a life-long journey, and they wish these persons the best in their future wardrobe choices.

Ryan hopes to go to medical school in order to eventually practice trauma-informed psychiatry for queer and trans youth.  They would also like to give a pointed shout out to all of the cis men (and cis white women) who have contributed to their own gendered trauma and internalized transphobia.  Ryan would also like to personally thank all of the people, especially femmes, who have made it possible for them to still be here.  They hope to do the same for the next generation of trans youth.

As a survivor of an upbringing in Omaha, Nebraska – the toxic masculinity and fuckboy capital of the United States – Ryan would like to encourage those who do not think about their masculinity often to think more about how they take up space.  If you are masculine, ask non-masculine people who you are close to whether they feel comfortable around you and how you can be better.  If they don’t respond or do so half-heartedly, they probably aren’t comfortable or don’t respect you enough to educate you, and you should think about that.  Engage with resources on accountable masculinity so that the non-masculine people in your life don’t always have to do the work of educating you. Shout out to health services-related programming that is already doing this work.

Cisgender men on this campus need to do better. Student-run groups need to be better about not centering the fragility of cisgender men so that space can be made for marginalized persons. One shouldn’t have to go through gender transition to learn how to be accountable with their masculinity, and it would be nice if this campus saw more “change” in the especially privileged cisgender men who move through this space.
Best First Year Unit: Unit 8
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Best Friends: Jane Jacoby and Molly Sandstrom

Lamp/Bear, a sculpture by Urs Fischer, installed at the Brown University campus in 2016.

Jane and Molly are humbly honored to receive this superlative. It makes all those flung bags of rotten fruit, weepy Wayland wine nights, and (for Molly) endless hours of the Ulysses audiobook worth it.

The four-time co-captains of the Unit Tube inner tube water polo team, long time ‘Who Can Say Where the Walk Goes’ Safewalk co-workers, and lifetime lifting partners met during the first week of school. Jane was impressed by Molly’s poise during their first unit meeting. Molly was awed by Jane’s flailing moves during the orientation dance. The next week, they decamped to the Laundry Room together, and never looked back. Their Minnesota-nice-meets-New-York-mean dynamic has survived four years of bad decisions, including nearly dying in Boston (special thanks to Dunkin Donuts), watching fifteen hours of a TV show about body painting, and moving in together (<3 you Body Shop). Most recently, the two inexperienced drivers went on a 3,000-mile fart-filled road trip to Dollywood in Tennessee. You can find the former Division 1 athletes practicing leap-frogging as they prepare to claim the Unit Wars crown.The pair would like to accept this award in honor of Dolly Parton, JK Rowling and Britney. In lieu of flowers, please send Waffle House gift cards. Keep it Pie Style, Brown!

Most likely to be a famous author: Georgia Wright
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Georgia Wright is wildly flattered to receive this nomination, although also THIS IS A LOT OF PRESSURE, YOU GUYS. She recently completed her senior Lit Arts thesis, which is part one of what will (hopefully? eventually? maybe?) become a speculative fiction novel about the world when climate change has screwed it up beyond recognition. (Just some light escapist reading!) She is extremely fond of the community of writers here at Brown and would like to share this honor with them. Catch her in five years doing god-knows-what, but hopefully it will involve the telling of stories.
Most Likely to Rule the World: Viet Nguyen
Most Likely to “Be in a Meeting”: Viet Nguyen
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Viet is super excited for this surprise promotion and is already planning his all-world emails. He hopes that his reign will inspire Geminis everywhere that they too can succeed as long as they don’t tell anyone about their identity until its’ too late (a typical Gemini move). He is really excited to work with the World Daily Herald and hopes to not get misquoted as often.
Best Smile: Gloria Essien
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I love you all, each and every one of y’all. Thank you for giving me so many reasons to keep smiling for 4 years straight, my cheek muscles are in so much pain! I love it.
Most Likely to Become a Brown Professor: Victor Bramble
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Victor hopes to be the professor who replies to multi-paragraph emails with a single sentence appended by a smiley face and inspirational quote in their email signature. If Brown still exists in 10 years after the harrowing effects of climate change, resurgent vulgar white supremacy, and the crises of neoliberal capitalism, Victor looks forward to teaching “Cybernetic, Supersonic, Hypnotic, Funky Fresh: The Production and Control of the Black Body in the 21st century”, “Capitalism is like a Bloody Mouth: This Course is About Exactly What it Sounds Like”, and “Don’t Trust Computer Scientists Farther than You Can Throw Them: Digital Culture and Mechanisms of Governance and Resistance”, among other classes in Modern Culture and Media, Ethnic Studies, Africana Studies, American Studies, or any department that will let them get away with assigning Moonlight, Lemonade, and Civilization 5 as required course materials.
This award is dedicated to all the friends, family, teachers, mentors, and glasses of wine that have made and will make this possible. Catch Victor at the 5 year reunion and, once the podcast bubble pops, ask them to be a part of your “whatever the cool new thing is,” so they can politely decline and remind you that technology is dark-sided.
Most Likely to Have Written Their Own Brown Bears Admirers Post: Hans Wang
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Contrary to what the general public seems to think, Hans does not enjoy nor has he ever written his own Brown Bears Admirers Post. Hans enjoys to spend his free time contributing to Brown Dank Stash of Memes For Unproductive Teens and writing Brown Bears Admirers Posts for his friends pretending to be a stranger.
Most Likely to Have A Highly-Watched TED Talk: Sachin Pendse
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Growing up in Kansas, Sachin, known for his classic catchphrase “Sachin, like a person’s chin!” never expected he would get the chance to accept an award like this. This award now marks his greatest success, beating out his previous achievement of once very inadvertently being in the background of a Fox News segment.
He’s currently workshopping some TED Talk topics on finding the right amount of hairspray for a perfect hair day, on crafting the perfect Spotify playlist, and on discovering the optimal mix of hoisin/sriracha in Andrews pho. That being said, he’s taking audience ideas, so you can find him in Andrews Commons if you have something better.
Most Likely to Take Down Corporate America: Arely Diaz
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Arely has been rolling her eyes at corporate America ever since Downtown LA started gentrifying her neighborhood (WESTLAKE [[.:213:.]] REP) to give the incoming excited yuppies a place to explore. She left L.A. and entered Brown four years ago with very little money and is still waiting for that upward mobility to kick in. After graduating, she hopes to never see the words “business casual clothing suggested (read: required)” written in an email ever again, and truly hopes she never has to calculate the internal rate of return for filling a pothole with Excel ever again (shout out to everyone that survived PLCY 1200 this semester). She is grateful people have such high hopes for her future, and really does look forward to taking down corporate America, if it doesn’t take her down first.
P.S. Despite her hatred for the (corporate) American Dream, she is proud of the fellow low-income first-gen-ers that have infiltrated its borders. Go ahead, y’all. Hoard those free bagels and show off those Powerpoint/Google Slides skills, just don’t hide when the revolution comes!
Most Likely to Come Back as a Spring Weekend Performer: Chloe Kibble
Best Dressed: Chloe Kibble
Most Brown Famous: Chloe Kibble
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Chloe, also known as Chlo-$$, the girl with the colorful braids, who dances with impulse, sings with a band called richard, is an anime fanatic to the highest of keys, etc., is absolutely humbled and has sat her ass down to appreciate the three titles of best dressed, could-maybe-make-it-in-the-entertainment-industry, and campus celebrity. Chloe wants to thank her friends and supporters for continually pushing her to maintain her #aesthetic throughout her four years at brown (special shout out to Closets @ Brown and f@b) and for helping her realize how important art and performance are for her soul and wellbeing. Chloe wants to continue pursuing music, dance, and maybe acting post-grad. Chloe also wants to affirm all seniors out there who will most likely not go into the field in which their Brown degree is in, and that discovering what has made you happiest throughout your time at Brown is equally as valuable!!!! ❤ ❤
Best Off-Campus House: Toasterhaus (181 Governor)
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Thanks for getting toasted with us, Brown. P.S.: We don’t actually own a toaster.
– Ella Bohn, Jacob Feder, Kat Hsu, Jessica Kenny, Aminah Lawal, Ani Mack, Paul Martino, Mili Sanwalka, Ben Shanahan, and Monica Treviño
Most Likely to Come Back for Binder: Orlando Rodriguez
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Most Likely to Have Their Own Reality Show: Elise Harmon
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Give the people what they want.
Most Likely To Have Never Set Foot In The Sci-Li: Elise Harmon
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There are few experiences worse than stepping foot in the Scili. I speak from personal experience, as I’ve graced those cement walls with my presence two times too many during my time at Brown. Choosing to study at the scili over other places is akin to choosing Svedka over Patron, an uncrustable over a spicy with, the vegan nuggets over chicken finger Friday. Just don’t do it.
Most Likely To Be At The GCB: Niki Sanders
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When Niki Sanders went off meal plan, she didn’t know where she’d be able to see her friends in one place. Then, she turned 21 and all became clear. She considers the GCB the new Ratty, but with better beverage options. Ed the bartender calls her “a very social member” and her boyfriend gets flustered when thinking of the “logistics of inviting everyone to sit at one small table.” You can find Niki at the GCB early in the night and early in the week, drinking a gin and ginger, enjoying the company of others, and occasionally playing a game of Cards Against Humanity. She was also nominated by the sisters of Kappa Delta as “Most Likely to Have her 50th Birthday at the GCB,” so she’s excited to see everyone at the GCB again in 28 years!
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