Because presenting you with such limited information before you get on campus has to be Brown’s way of asking you to start wildly speculating, right?
Keeney (Archibald/ Bronson):
Keeney is officially “the cool dorm.” You’ll have the freshman year experience you thought you have always wanted. There will be a lot of dorm parties. There will not be a lot of exit signs. You will look back on your freshman year fondly. However, you will feel a twinge of regret every time you look at your first semester’s transcript.
Keeney (Everett/ Poland):
You’re still definitely in the middle of the freshman scene, but you’ll try to pretend that you’re not. You’ll end up becoming best friends with your roommate and the two of you will eschew hall parties, explaining to your fellow inhabitants of Keeney that “you know people on the other side of campus.” Although you will meet a lot of people, you will rarely (if ever) remember to call your parents.
Keeney (Jameson/ Mead):
For some reason this part of Keeney always smells like weed? You will “discover yourself” this year. Unfortunately, you won’t actually discover what you want to concentrate in. You may or may not start doing yoga every morning in the Keeney gym. You heard that it’s a great way to get rid of hangovers, okay?
You might actually discover yourself this year. Wayland’s location means that you will quickly become an expert in the geography of Brown. Although you’ll have a big room, you’ll spend 90% of your time in the Ratty. You will climb to the roof of at least one building this year. Possibly (but not definitely) the roof of Wayland itself…
You will eat a lot of cookie pizzas (and regular pizzas) from Andrews Commons, but you’re able to keep off the freshman fifteen since the Nelson is so close by. You will become the kind of person who studies in coffee shops. However, you’ll shun Starbucks to #supportlocalcoffee like Blue State. At the beginning of the year, you will go to a lot of sports house parties. At the end of the year, watching TV in the room down the hall will become your idea of a party.
You feel the need to tell everyone you meet that you basically lived in Andrews. To compensate for the lack of a sink in your room, you will either attend a lot of acapella concerts or get into a serious relationship. You will play along when people talk about the Ratty, but you will never actually eat there.
Affectionately known as “MoChamp”. You will become one of those units that never quite gets over Unit Wars. You will change your cover photo to a photo of your Unit. Your Unit will celebrate the holidays together. You will definitely hook up with someone in your Unit.
Unaffectionately known as “EmWool”. You will develop a passionate love for V-Dub breakfasts, but a deep-rooted hatred for V-Dub anything else. You will join Greek Life “for the better housing.” You’ll be academically successful because you will always go to class. At the end of the year, you will vow to never eat another chicken finger ever again.
New Pembroke 3/ New Pembroke 4:
Either you are an athlete, or you will become one. You’ll start going to the gym every day, because it just feels like a waste to not take advantage of the Nelson. You will cultivate an air of mystery about your person. You will make older friends. Your rock-hard abs and your enigmatic figure will make up for the fact that you live in New Pembroke.