Feel that change in the air? The cold. The darkness. The tension. It’s fall!! Just kidding, it’s Taylor Swift and she’s here to rip a new one. She smashed that silver glitter acoustic guitar and picked up a snake and called it sex appeal. And with this new Taylor, there’s also a new season and let’s be real, a new you.
Allow me to set the scene: you’re heading back to Brown fresh from your summer of working an unpaid internship. Maybe you got a nose ring. Maybe you went vegan. Maybe you committed to the idea that a summer tan is really just having the Netflix logo burned into your retinas. Nevertheless, you’re fre$h to death and ready to take this semester by storm, just like Taylor bathing in a tub of diamonds in her latest video Look What You Made Me Do. The video is Thriller meets Jafar from Aladdin meets The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. While you may be asking yourself, “what’s the point?,” let me show you that this video is much better off as a road map for your first weeks back at Brown than an actual music video.
Ah, here you are stepping onto the Main Green over a bed of your past selves, including you in your pre-frosh glory, your sophomore slump aesthetic, and you from that semester you exclusively ate Jo’s quesadilla’s for dinner. No matter, though. You’re stronger now. You are the world’s quesadilla.
Here’s a snap of you crawling out of bed for your first 9 am in Smitty-B. Oh the joy.
Aaaaand here’s you getting re-addicted to caffeine so you can stay awake in that class.
Here you are leaving the Brown bookstore with all your new textbooks. It feels like you’ve torched both your bank account and your life.
As the weeks progress, it only gets worse. Venmo those tears away.
Here you are trying to make new friends and worrying as to whether or not they’re the ones being fake or if you’re fake or your entire life is a lie. God, the social complexity.
Ah, here’s your first bite into a chicken breast in the Ratty. Mmmm that tough chicken boob.
Silly you. Here you forgot that buses in Providence make turns, too. Ears on the road, people.
Your first night out with the ladies!! Rolling up to the pregame in style.
…then showing up to the party with cups and chasers like, “Let’s do this.”
And last but not least, here is a picture of you in your lovely cage, otherwise known as the college environment. But for once let us take a page out of Taylor’s book: it’s only a cage if you make it one. Make it fun. Add a swing. Or, let’s face it, just some christmas lights.