As a junior at Brown who walks a lot out of a fear of bikes (humans were not made to balance on two wheels, if we were we wouldn’t have legs. Stick that in your pipe and smoke that, Darwin) and falls a lot (shoutout to the Halloween house party on Brook two years ago where I fell down a full flight of stairs and was saved by two students dressed as construction workers), I consider myself to be well versed in tripping hazards. However, my dear reader, what is knowledge if it isn’t shared? Please join me as I tour you around Brown’s best pavement cracks.
1. Charlesfield Along the Grad Center D – B Stretch
This one goes out to all you poor sophomores (and even sadder group of juniors) out in Grad Center. Sure, you “love the close access to Bear’s Lair” and you “just wanted a single.” What you should actually love about living in Grad Center is the minefield called Charlesfield. Charlesfield adds a little spice in your life by adding the treacherous element of trees. When the roots of the tree pushes up the pavement so you have to parkour up a little pavement hill to keep up with your friends *Italian chef kiss — bellissimo” Combine this pavement hill with low hanging branches, you’ve got the perfect place to twist your ankle and get stabbed in the eye with a branch simultaneously.
2. Between 257 Thayer and Brook
Wow! Just look at those pot holes the size of Brown’s endowment (I know what you’re thinking: was that a joke saying the endowment is small or big? I’ll leave that for you to decide). You’ll especially love how these potholes fill with dirty water on rainy days — perfect for keeping your pet fish there while you clean its tank— and stays stagnant in the holes for days after. This is the ideal place if you want to trip but with style; not all trips come with an elegant splash of dirty rain water, you know.
3. The Tiles in Front of Soldier’s Arch
Remember that scene in Spy Kids where the Spy Kids are balancing on those lava rocks? Wondering where you can feel that same excitement, but also be on time to your engineering class in Barus & Holley? Let me introduce you to the floor tiles in front of Soldier’s Arch. Here, you can feel like your favorite trademarked Disney character, Carmen, and roll your own ankle hopping from tile to tile in hopes of finding a stable one to step on. Bonus points if you can find a friend to play your annoying, yet lovable partner in crime, Juni.
4. The Path From Faunce to Bio-Med (In Front of the Department of History)
This crack is a classic, one of my favorites since my days as a freshman living in Andrews. Just look at that delicious, delicious uneven pavement perfect for breaking a toe when wearing your favorite pair of taupe-colored Birkenstocks. This crack is great for slowing you down when you’re already ten minutes late to your Rise of China class in Smitty B.
Be sure to stay tuned for my next episode — So You Want to Break an Ankle? A Guide to Brown’s Most Slippery Staircases.
Images via, via Claire Pang ’19.