Are you the type of person that loves being outdoors, but isn’t always sure where exactly in the outdoors you want to hang out? Well, worry no more! After careful investigation, Blognonian has curated a list of the very best locations for you and your friends to kill time on the main green.
- Next to the rock tree
We of course have to start with the most iconic of locations on the Green: the rock tree. With its environmentally unfriendly design (it takes just a single aluminum can up to 500 years to decompose, so can you imagine how long a tree would take?) and post-modernist architecture—you certainly didn’t see Van Gogh putting trees on rocks—this piece of artistic, out-of-the-box thinking is sure to spark discussion from first-years and seniors alike. Furthermore, the art piece is extremely useful for gaining a rigorous understanding of electromagnetism in the case that you accidentally have four pounds of magnets in your backpack and you just seem attracted to this particular location today.
- On a bench!
Do you often accidentally wear the same clothes as your friends? Do your professors smile at you showing just enough of their teeth to be polite but clearly not enough to be happy to see you? Is “vanilla” your favorite flavor of both SO and ice cream? Then have we got the location for you! For just $80,000 a year, you can have access to this highly relaxed, extremely flexible, but DEFINITELY within your comfort zone location. It comes in two versions, sitting and lying, and will absolutely ensure you will not get a second glance as passersby pass you by.
For those whose tastes are too unique to be left on a bench, but still too confined by societal norms to sit next to the rock tree, there is a perfect solution. Stairs, a highly underappreciated advancement in our society (who even cares that much about sliced bread anyway?), have a long-hidden secondary purpose besides walking up them. You can sit down on them. With 9 different sets of stairs spread around the main green, you are sure to find one that is perfectly matched to your desires (so long as your desires don’t involve anything other than being in the shade). However, be warned: side effects may include contraction of hunchbackedness (kyphosis for you PLMEs) and the ever-present possibility of being trampled over by swarms of tunnel visioned underclassmen.
- From above
Brown students are known for their long-term thinking abilities. Everyone has an image of where they eventually want to end up—be it grad school, Heaven, or your parent’s basement—that defines what actions you take during your time in college. Well, a group of undergraduate religious studies researchers recently came across an unlikely phenomenon: every step a person makes towards his or her goal will physically transcend him or her a small but noticeable amount into the air, enough so that after four years of dedication one lucky student might get a lofty, picturesque view from high above the main green. This, of course, is the most prestigious of all high-end main green sitting locations. Clouds so soft and comfortable that they are contenders to rival the bench as well as a view so artistic that even the usually unmoving rock tree is giving you jealous looks are what make being literally hundreds of feet in the air an incomparable experience.
But, in the end, no matter which choice you make, just remember that where you sit on the main green absolutely defines who you are as a person and will interpedently make or break every single aspect of your future you’ve ever considered.