Blogony Aunt answers all


Dear Aunt Blogony,

Ever since Convocation, I’ve had recurring nightmares that Blueno is out to get me. No matter what I do, all I can see at night are those beady eyes and those monstrous blue limbs. I haven’t slept in three days. Please, please help.

– BlueNO



Dear BlueNO,

You’re not alone. My practical advice would be to avoid the Ruth J. Simmons Quadrangle altogether, and to get sleeping aids from CVS. If you’re looking for a more hands-on approach, you could always desensitize yourself to Blueno via immersion; just get inside him!

Stay calm,

Aunt Blogony



Dear Aunt Blogony,

Today I went to Andrews to get sushiI got the Philadelphia roll but I realized they were all out of chopsticks. It really upsets me because I cant eat sushi with a fork. I simply can’t. Please help. 

– Sucker for Sushi


Dear Sucker,

I’m so sorry to hear this. It might be helpful to mention that spoons are a far better choice of utensil for sushi than forks, in lieu of chopsticks. If spoons aren’t your thing, it seems you’re out of luck.

Love always,

Aunt Blogony 


Dear Aunt Blogony,

I’m so stressed about my classes. It always seems like I have so much more work than everyone else does, and I dont understand why! Even worse is that every time I complain to my friends, they dont seem to care at all. (Side note: I’m currently taking five classes.) I was wondering if you had any advice for me?

Overachieving Freshman




Dear Overachieving,

It sounds like you’ve got a real problem. Why did you choose to take five classes? If you did so because you want to distinguish yourself from fellow freshmen, you could always go around wearing a fluorescent pink leotard. It would probably work better, anyway.

However, if you do want practical advice, all I can suggest that you stop complaining to your friends about how much work you have. They have work, too.

Hugs and kisses,

Aunt Blogony


Dear Aunt Blogony,

My boyfriend lives in Keeney, but I’m in Pembroke. I feel like the distance is straining our relationship. He almost never wants to meet up anymore. What should I do?

– Star-Crossed Lover



Dear Star-Crossed Lover,

Long-distance relationships are usually difficult. That doesn’t mean you can’t make it work. Just make sure he’s really worth the long haul :).

Hope this helps,
Aunt Blogony


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