How to get people out of Salomon faster: A scientific study



To get people out of the Salomen Center as fast as possible. Also to see how many different ways I can spell Solomoon Center.



If we lubricate the premises of the doorway or provide a fast approaching danger then people will get out faster.


Trial 1 — Control:

Time: A billion years

Observations: Though people did seem to want to get out before they and their great-great-great grandchildren died, a bottleneck was created by the 250 people trying to exit through the two teeny tiny doors (for those not in STEM fields, this highly scientific term means quite small). The glacial pace of movement out of the Salmon Center was quite striking, even to our peer reviewers.


Trial 2 — Slip ‘n Slide:


Time: 2 hours (this include the time it took to get SOMEONE to the hospital after he couldn’t seem to learn how to navigate this VERY FUN solution. I’m looking at you, Greg)!!!!

Observations: Some students seemed to very much enjoy this solution, artfully sliding down those tile floors of the Slalom Center and out into the adventures of the greater world. Others had to get soap off their backpacks and books but overall seemed to enjoy it. Looks like a viable solution. Will take it up with Christina Paxton as soon as possible.


Trial 3 — Bears:


bruno the bea


Time: 6 hours (including the time it took to fight off the bears who were mauling Greg because honestly no one wanted to).

Observations: Students seemed to enjoy this situation less, though I have to say I’ve never left the Salalalomon Center faster. Here we go Bruno!!



All methods will cut down on travel time out of the Salomane Center, though some may have more risks than other. What would be really great *ahem* is if we could just have more doors *aHEM*. Then I could leave with enough time to grab a blueberry muffin before my next class.


UPDATE: Our researchers have just been informed that there is a side door. 


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