By Chloe of Thayer Street,
I purposefully chose not to include “Dear” at the beginning of this letter because after these many many months of waiting and confusion, you are no longer dear to me. Speaking on behalf of all Brown Students, and most likely the entire city of Providence, I want to tell you that enough is enough.
I remember the day I first saw your retro, hipster, black and white sign that says you’re not just any fast casual dining establishment—you’re a cool fast casual dining establishment. “Oh HELL yes,” I thought to myself as I remembered that time I once ate the Pesto Meatball Sandwich in Soho. I felt a moment of sheer pride when I realized that right now, By Chloes are only in Boston, New York, and LA; this was a sign that little Prov is on the rise. But that pride has faded. We’re supposed to be a part of the big leagues by now, but instead, you’ve put us on the back burner. You were supposed to be replacing the Au Bon Pain that was simply gross, but at this point I would happily welcome their weird avocado chicken sandwiches and dry salads.
As the graffitied signs turned from “Coming this spring!” to “Coming this summer!” to the ambiguous “Coming soon!” I lost all my faith in you, By Chloe of Thayer Street. When I peer through the window by the door, all I see is disappointment and broken promises. Just yesterday, I had a flicker of hope as I saw a man on a ladder sanding away at the space above the door, presumably to prepare it for a sign to go up. But I peered in again and saw only crushed dreams in the form of saw dust and unpainted walls.
I don’t know what’s going on, but this whole experience with you mocking us has sucked and pretty much everyone is upset. Deep down I understand that there is most likely a legitimate explanation for all of this madness, but I am selfish and want my Spicy Thai.
In an effort to reconcile our differences, I’ve decided to propose a few things you can do to make it up to us.
- The huge cinnamon buns should be served ALL week long. Not just on the weekends. Students are in need of cinnamon buns after a final or midterm.
- We want Chill By Chloe.
- A person standing outside providing free samples. Often.
- Discounts on avocado.
- Reemphasizing Chill By Chloe.