It’s finally the third full week of November, and you’re on the train/bus/airplane to your hometown. It’s your first Thanksgiving back from Brown, and you have no idea what to expect. But don’t fear! Blog is here to give you a heads-up on what you should expect to hear from your various family members and high school friends over the next few days. Here’s a list of questions you’re sure to encounter during your first Thanksgiving home from college, and our recommendations on how to answer them:
Do you have friends?
Answer “no” and stare directly into the eyes of the person who asked you this question.
How are your classes?
“Well, when I went to one that one time, it seemed pretty interesting.”
What’s your GPA?
It doesn’t matter that the semester isn’t over yet. Feel free to answer with “4.0,” as this could still potentially turn out to be true.
Have you done drugs?
If your grandmother asks you this, there’s only one proper answer: “Advil all day, every day, Nana.”
Have you changed?
“No, I’ve still got on the dress I was wearing at convocation three months ago. It’s pretty, isn’t it?”
Do you have a significant other yet?
“No. I have a spouse, and we are expecting our first child during the spring semester.”
How do you deal with all those liberals?
“I’m barely surviving, Great-Uncle Bill. Thank you for the concern.”
How’s the internship search going?
“Oh, it’s good. I’ve got an offer from Google, an offer from McKinsey, and an offer from Goldman Sachs. I think I’m just gonna work as a camp counselor again, though.”
How many extracurriculars are you involved with?
Answer with a winning formula: one sports team, one publication, one community service group, and one investment club.
Are you happy to be home?