Turkey Tindering

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You’re going to your grandma’s Connecticut farmhouse for Thanksgiving. Your weird cousins who used to swim naked in public pools will be there. Your aunt is bringing her two pet ferrets. Your mom is bringing her self-help books (to give to your recently divorced uncle). You’re bringing a recently updated Tinder app and a phone charger. When the Turkey Trot turns into a Turkey Romp, here’s what to expect:

  • Not a lot, in Connecticut
  • If you go on a bad date you’ll be coming home to your entire extended family :/
  • Your date might have an animal-related fetish
  • Anyone who’s branded themselves to match their cows is a no-go
  • You’ll have to borrow your parents’ rental car if you want to go anywhere (or get picked up by a stranger who will have to come inside and introduce themselves)
  • You might see one of your weird naked cousins
  • You’ll probably run into your recently divorced uncle at the only bar in town
  • Don’t have sex in your grandma’s house – just don’t do it! 

 

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