Much like the now infamous “So you want to break an ankle” post detailing the worst sidewalk cracks at Brown, this post has been a long time coming—and with good reason. For a few months now, as peak foliage season has drawn to a close, Brown University has been gathering fallen leaves not in trash bags or tarps, but in decorative tapestries. At first, we weren’t sure what to make of this odd but pervasive trend. Did Brown come into a small fortune of floral cloth after Christina Paxson cleaned out her deceased grandmother’s house over Thanksgiving? Is this performance art? Are there DEAD BODIES in the bags? If I was having a particularly trying laundry day, could I use one of these leaf bags as sheets on my twin XL? These are the questions we asked ourselves each time we passed the leaf bags.
Now that snow has covered the ground and the reign of the leaf bags is over, it only felt appropriate that we give them a little love. So, here’s a quiz to help you determine which leaf bag you are!
Did you have a not so graceful transition from September to December of this Semester? Did things go from fun to messy real quick? Congrats! You’re green Grad Center leaf bag. We first spotted this leaf bag in early fall, gathering only the crispest of leaves, but we saw GGCLB again recently and she didn’t look like she was doing too hot…
Are you cute, stylish, and empty on the inside? Would you describe yourself as both a “hot piece of ass” and also “a shell of a person”? When you take “Which Sex and the City character are you?” quizzes, do you get “Miranda’s bedside table”? Then we’ve got the leaf bag that encompasses you: the leaf bag without any leaves in it (but ooh, it’s pretty)! This leaf bag is for the person who loves to keep up appearances simply because they don’t have that much else going on. Hope you find a personality soon!
Do you pretend to be chill while secretly you’re super excited for your Hill Internship? Congrats! You’re public policy building leaf bag!
Maybe you’re really just three corpses that Department of Facilities Management staff needed to quickly conceal from the public eye. That would make you these three leaf bags. Editor’s note: we’re on to you, Facilities. And we will put a stop to your murderous reign of terror, one leaf bag at a time.
Do you take golden hour selfies? Congrats! You’re this leaf bag on Olive Street that looks STUNNING in the late afternoon light.
Would your friends describe you as an open book? Are you straight-up and honest about how you feel? Are you the first bag on this list we can be sure doesn’t contain a fresh human cadaver? Then you’re this spill-the-leaves leaf bag. You’re no-nonsense and easy to understand. You wear your opinions on your sleeves and your leaves all over the ground in front of you!
Are you clean, pristine, and obviously another corpse lightly covered with leaves? Seriously, facilities? Where’s the subtlety?
Images via Ella Comberg ’20 and Cashen Conroy ’19.