Since you been gone, A LOT has happened. So here is the run down of the important (and not so important) happenings that ended 2017, and started whats shaping up to be an already eventful 2018.
Thayer got a Glow Up:
Its been a big break for Thayer street. By Chloe has finally opened and you better believe it had something to do with the angry letter I wrote them before break. We are now free to enjoy the vegetarian deliciousness that doesn’t taste vegetarian and the healthy deserts that don’t taste healthy. Poke works has also opened on Thayer and the jury is out. Updates to come. Finally, after a solid one semester attempt, UMelt has already been replaced with a pop up called “Sandwich.”. I’ll give you three guesses what is sold there.
THE BOMB CYCLONE:
The Bomb-frickin-Cyclone (don’t know who coined this one but I love them) struck the entire east coast of the United States in the weeks surrounding New Years. And to be clear, it literally SUCKED. People were crying on the streets after freezing winds gusting over 50 miles an hour rocked their worlds, and made them feel like they would literally never ever be warm again. Totally not referring to myself. Anyways, the BC made those who showed up in Times Square on New Years Eve seem even more insane than normal as they braved record low temperatures. But who can really blame them, because they went to see Mariah Carry attempt to redeem herself. She was so close to a flawless performance and we were all like “YES MARIAH”, until she asked for a hot tea mid performance an we were all like “no Mariah….noooo.”
North Korea in the Olympics:
In one of the most exciting gestures of peace between the two nations in decades, North Korea and South Korea have agreed to march as one in the upcoming 2018 Winter Olympics. On January 17th, it was confirmed that the two nations will put forth a joint women’s ice hockey team that will represent both nations in the games. Members of the North and South Korean delegations will march in the opening and closing ceremonies behind one unified Korean flag.
Men and women in Hollywood came together to support the Times Up Movement, spearheaded by America Ferrera, Kathleen Kennedy, Natalie Portman, Shonda Rhimes, Tracie Ellis Ross (hey Brown), Nina Shaw, and Reese Witherspoon, by wearing black to the Golden Globes. A casual group of women. And after everyone wore black, sexual harassment and gender inequality in the entertainment industry was fixed! We did it! Just kidding. James Franco, who won Best Actor for his work in The Disaster Artist, has come under fire after multiple allegations from multiple women have surfaced accusing Franco of sexual misconduct. Turns out wearing a black tux and putting a Times Up pin on it isn’t exactly enough.
On January 13th the citizens of Hawaii received the message, “BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.” and on January 16th the citizens of Japan received the message, “North Korea appears to have launched a missile … The government urges people to take shelter inside buildings or underground” and both messages were false alarms. The response that the distressed people of Hawaii and Japan received after these monumental mistakes were pretty much along the lines of “oops!”
In the Alabama senate race, Doug Jones the democratic candidate beat out Roy Moore, the horse-riding, gun-brandishing, high-school-dating republican candidate. Way to go Alabama! President Trump has been on a ROLL. He started the break by passing his Tax Bill right before the New Year, which increased the ceiling for state taxes and gave big tax breaks to corporations. He is attempting to repeal DACA, and has recently brought the Supreme Court into the mix, which I’m sure RBG is thrilled about. And he managed to refer to Haiti, El Salvador, and African countries as “shitholes” when deriding the protection of immigrants. The reaction of the nation was angry but sort of just like “what? well ya that seems like something he would say…” OH and the government shut down after Congress was unable to pass a government funding bill before the last one ended. The government has reopened, but the bill they passed will only last for three weeks, so stay posted.
The Kardashians are multiplying and it’s hard to keep track. But it’s fun and I do it and so do you. Let me break it down for you. We started break knowing Kim was having a third child through a surrogate and we assumed (knew) that Kylie and Khloe were also soon to be mamas. During our winter break, Kylie failed to reveal her pregnancy via Christmas card (as many expected), Khloe confirmed her pregnancy via social media posts, Kim’s surrogate gave birth to Kim’s third child and second daughter, Kylie has yet to admit to the pregnancy, and a conspiracy theory has spread that Kylie was the surrogate for both Kim and Khloe’s children. What???