Have you ever felt that people get bored reading your iMessages? Do you sense that you need a little extra flavor to keep potential baes or BFFs on the hook? Many people don’t know, but most phones come with a built-in feature that allows you to send small pictograms while texting! They’re called emojis, and they will completely transform your social media persona!
Resident social media expert, here are some of my favorites and how to use them:
This emoji quickly sends the messages that you’re happy, feeling great, and loving yourself!
Cat Smiley Face
This emoji quickly sends the messages that you’re happy, feeling great, having the primal urge to hunt and devour small rodents, and loving yourself!
This cute lil face instantly tells your BFFs that you’ve never seen the moon and would rather die than learn what it actually looks like!
Tells your friends that you’re on a plane! Also (lifehack) it works for any of your friends who can’t read!
Sad Purple Devil/Happy Purple Devil
Could signify that you’re being naughty or sneaky. Send one of these babies to your friend and you’re practically GUARANTEED to be sent to Hell upon your inevitable death!
Please please don’t use this one! You could scare the person you’re texting. Please please please please please don’t!
You could use this emoji to show that you think someone is really cute 😉 or that the doctors made a mistake during your open heart surgery and accidentally replaced both of your eyes with human hearts while also failing to fix your potentially fatal cardiac angina! Quirky alert!
Send this to your crush to let them know that you have lips, loud-and-clear!
It used to look like an actual gun, but they changed it to a squirt gun to lighten the mood and add a little cuteness factor. It has never been easier to playfully threaten the life of your closest friends and make them feel unsafe in their own homes than with this colorful & fun emoji!
As delicious as it looks, this emoji is best used to imply to potential baes that you want to be folded into a complex, twisted, psychosexual position with them, like a pretzel! Almost as spicy as all the salt on that pretzel!
In any dangerous situation, sending the ambulance emoji to someone will automatically notify emergency services and direct an ambulance to your location. If someone is hurt and needs urgent medical attention, just send the ambulance emoji to your BFF, sit back, and relax!
Pile of Brown…Something….
Oh boy. I don’t know if I can do this, y’all. This is easily one of the most risqué emojis on the record. Look it’s… it’s a pile of…ok, wait let me start from the beginning. When two butt cheeks love each other very much, they go and…uh…oof I don’t…I can’t do this y’all. I’m sorry. I’m a good Christian; I can’t write about this. Pass.
Use this emoji in situations where you’re simultaneously happy and sad, like when your husband takes you out to a nice dinner at a really fancy restaurant but then reveals that he’s been sleeping with your sister, Sharon, ever since they were a team for that game of family Pictionary where he had to make Sharon guess “wiener dog” and so he a drew a sorta phallic shape but then they both got really flustered and she didn’t even guess “wiener dog” in time but, afterwards, they made eye contact for what seemed like forever and you remember noticing it and not really thinking much of it but now you can’t believe you didn’t see it sooner and, oh my god, he only took you out to this goddamn candlelit caviar-palace so you couldn’t make a scene goddamnit Kelly how could you have been so stupid as to think that a man like this could ever love you. And, no, this emoji does not have any other uses.
Kissing emoji (+heart)
You love whoever you’re texting!
Kissing emoji (-heart)
You literally JUST finished slurping up that spaghetti noodle and, honey, you don’t care who knows!
This emoji is the simplest way to show that you’re just chilling on the bottom side of the planet! Or maybe you just fell off! Say “G’day, mate” to a lonely death in the cold vacuum of space!
Send this to show some funky love to your favorite babes, or to indicate that you were wounded or killed during military service!
Bitcoin, who? The hottest new cryptocurrency is the money bag emoji! Sending this pictogram to any of your contacts automatically charges $40 to your phone bill and converts it into 1 MBE (Money Bag Emoji), which can be used to buy in-app purchases or beer at any participating Dave & Buster’s®! While currently facing extreme inflation relative to the US dollar, the MBE is sure to see its value rise once this article is published and everyone realizes how great a currency it is. Right? You’re all gonna start using it, right? Because I invested a LOT of money into it. So please go do the same, readers. Or else I am in a very bad place with some very bad people. I really, really need this, ok? Oh my God…they’re gonna break my legs.
That’s how these simple emojis can revolutionize the way you text! Also, sorry it’s only 19 emojis. I saw that ghost one again and I got so freaked out I had to go lie down in the dark for a few hours and I just couldn’t finish the post.
Finally, if any readers were wondering “Are all of these emojis the same on android phones?”, you’ve fallen for a very common misconception: android phones don’t actually exist, and every person has an iPhone! Hope that answers your question!